Read Twenty-Fourth on May 8th, 2015.
As I look back at my previous posts, I must admit that I'm a little ashamed. I must also admit that I am tempted to extinguish this project of mine--at least extinguish it from the public eye. I feel like my past insights and statements are naive and unlearned. I have to remind myself that I have little education in literary analysis. Actually, that's not true. Teachers in high school have tried their best to help me as a student to see deeper into literature, but I wasn't listening. Why not? My first instinct is that I was not, and certainly not completely as of now, mature enough to make mature observations or mature analyses. I've grown up substantially in the past two years, so in retrospect, my posts may paint me as a philistine.
So why didn't I discontinue this blog? I was reminded as I read my attempts at sophisticated literature discussion that I talked a lot about character development. I still feel strongly about it; it's honestly a reflection of how I rate my success in life. I feel the need to change for the better, but ofttimes find myself changing in an unexpected manner. Whatever the reasoning behind my interest in character development, I am eager to watch myself change in maturity as I continue my project. One of the ways I have changed is a cognizance of my own self-consciousness. I had an impulse to delete these childish book reviews to save myself from possibly being embarrassed or mislabeled as a nuisance to book lovers everywhere. But I am driven now by being real, genuine, and authentic, as opposed to being what I think makes me appear like a better person than I am. So without further ado, here I go again.
What caught my interest the most from The Handmaid's Tale was how Offred's perception changed so much from her anecdotes from the past to the present. She dreamed of big things back then, back when her name wasn't Offred. But now she dreams about what was mundane in the time before: her wardrobe, playing with flowers with her daughter, being distracted at college by her best friend Moira. Because of her extremely limited and restricted lifestyle, even simple pleasures in life and luxuries. Maybe luxuries is not the right word. The society has labeled these simple pleasures as sinful acts of rebellion against God's will for humanity. Even her best friend Moira has changed. Instead of being the unconventional and independent woman she was, she settles into what she finds the most tolerable niche in this corrupt society. Despite that niche being risque, Offred expects more from her friend. She expected her to settle for no injustice. Even if being a subject of the Commanders' immoral exploits in a brothel (no other word comes to mind) is the most fitting nook for her, Offred wants her to instead be a hero. She wants to know that there is an escape. Seeing that Moira has become just as defeated as she is offers no consolation but discouragement. The message from this book is how damaging societal implementations can be on our souls. The extremes of these beliefs seem obviously faulted and brings in new question about what is truth and what is fabricated by society to look like truth. What's real and what's a mirage? What I believe, is it my belief? Or society's?
I'm not expressing disdain for the life I have. I am grateful for the blessings which are poured upon me each and every day. But I do find, in my own personal life, the oppression of "the mold". By that I mean what people expect of me, or really what I expect of myself. I'm not perfect, and no one thinks I should be. If I submit to these expectations and feign perfection, as did Offred, then I deny myself what I truly believe. I can't be myself if I care about whoever is watching. Fortunately for me, the consequences of being myself don't have deadly consequences, which means I am free to act as I wish. How liberating!
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